Funny how we connect to each other.

I got an e-mail from The Illustrator's Wife which lead me to One Kind Word where I discovered  A Simple Conversation. and a new way to think about the word, "dwell."

I've been wrestling with some very serious family issues of late. My last blog entry here was about my first-born daughter and a rift that exists that I do not understand yet. So, when I read today's blog entry at "A Simple Conversation," it helped me to see that all I CAN do is 'not block the door.'

Can I open my heart and allow the things I have no control over to happen without my interference?

Won't they occur anyway, regardless of what I do?

Me thinks they will. Happen, that is.

So I will dwell. I will occupy my home and my heart and let life in.
What have I got to lose at this point?

Mothers and Daughters

My oldest daughter is 40 years old, but I didn't get to share in the celebration of her birthday in October. She won't let me share anything about her life and I'm really confused about why she's shutting me out.

I remember staying out of touch with my own mother when I was younger. But, it was never for more than a a few weeks at a time. Back then, there was no internet and long-distance phone calls cost 10 cents a minute. For that reason, we wrote letters quite a bit.

I've sent my daughter e-mails that usually go unanswered. I don't have her phone number anymore. I'm not even sure she still lives at the same address. I sent a birthday gift to my 6-year-old granddaughter in August, and my daughter responded by e-mail that "it was perfect" and "you didn't have to." But, what does that mean? Exactly?

My daughter's oldest daughter, now 18, has been a part of my life for the better part of the past two years because my daughter's second husband was charged with a "lewd and lascivious act against a minor," (my granddaughter).  She lived with her father for a brief period following this event, but he had a tough time dealing with her.  So, she came to stay with me.

The legal case was resolved a long time ago. I thought, "Just let some time go by and we can find our way back to each other." But, that hasn't happened.

My daughter has two other children besides my 18-year-old granddaughter. The 6-year-old granddaughter I mentioned earlier, and my only grandson who is 8-years old. The photo, above, I lifted off of my daughter's facebook page (and we're NOT "friends"). The two children are visiting with their other grandmother in Nicaragua last July.  I look at it often and yearn to hug them and find out what kind of wonderful people they are growing into. I know I'm missing a lot because I'm not a part of their lives. But, what can I do? Should I just show up at her house where she used to live hoping she still lives there? Or, should I  mind my own business and be patient and wait for her to let me back into her life and the lives of her children?

I honestly don't know ...

Langley Family Reunion Photos

I made this back during the summer, then promptly forgot about it. I've been cleaning out my mailbox and stumbled on it again ... So, I'm posting it here so it won't be lost again!

Langley Family Reunion Photos

View more presentations from Constance Ruppender.

Summertime Memories

Vicki, over at Simply Hue asked in her August 4 blog post, "What are a few (or even just one) of your favorite Summertime Memories growing up?" Which inspired me to look at photos I've taken on summer vacations to the places where I grew up ... North Carolina and Virginia.

Vollis Simpson's been making whirly gigs a very long time. I remember one he made that sat next to his machine shop when I was about 12-years-old. My brother and I would hound our dad to drive by it! Little did I know it was the beginning of something. When I took my darling husband "home" to Lucama, NC, for a family reunion in 2007, I asked if it was still there and one of my cousins said, "Yes. And, a whole lot more!"  So, we found Vollis Shop Road and Wiggins Mill Road and, Oh! My! Goodness! What a feast for the senses! We spent a couple of hours visiting and I shot a couple hundred pictures, and, when Vollis himself arrived, we negotiated for one of his smaller whirly gigs to take home to remind me of my childhood.

I was born in Hopewell, VA, a little mill town located along the James River, and in the summertime, my dad would take me and my brother out along Highway 10 to this place to find relief from the heat. In 2009, I took my darling husband to Hopewell for the first time, and I couldn't stop babbling about this place, as it remains one of my favorite, summertime memories of my dad when I was a child. The shade of the trees, the stream fed by an artesian well, cool and clear ... these were the real treasures of childhood.  We'd share baloney sandwiches and just hang out together, oblivious to the rest of the world.  To my amazement, we found it is still a beautiful place (probably because it's hidden away) and seems untouched by time. Lucky me, huh?

Changing with the times ...

One thing is certain about life on the Internet: it changes at the speed of light. I've been tooling around cyberspace for about 15 years now, and whenever I think about it, I find myself stunned at the rate of change here. I don't think THIS was what they had in mind when I was studying calculus in college!

Today I decided to create a new blog header. I had some free time on my hands and started fooling around in Photoshop. While I liked my old header with the 'vintage' photos of me and pictures of cameras, I think my blog reflects the changes I'm experiencing in my life. Some changes go with the aging process. Some accompany the rapid changes in technology. I can post to my blog from my 'smart phone,' and that's a feature that wasn't available to me when I began this blog more than two years ago. But, those aren't the only reasons for changing it. A big part of it is staying "fresh."  Same ole, same ole gets old after a while, so I'm introducing something new.

For my cherished followers, I hope you'll like what I've done. And, I hope you'll leave a comment and let me know if you do. Or, don't. I don't do this to please you, but I enjoy it when you notice what I've done.

Like everyone else out here in cyberspace, I'm looking to connect. How else can I leave my mark on the world?

Photo, above: University Drive & Stirling Road ... one of the last remaining cow pastures, some cattle herons and lots of traffic. I can remember when everything out here was agriculture. Now it's all residential development and shopping centers. "The times, they are a changing!"

My contest entry ...

              Me and Samantha, 1989

I love to write.
Sometimes I have to toil to get the words out. And, sometimes they just spill out of me. When they're spilling, I'm grateful that I took typing in high school!

Last week, I wrote a story and entered it into MORE Magazine's "One Amazing Thing" contest. I did submit a story last summer, which the MORE editors posted to the web site, and that was kind of neat. (It's here.) But, this contest ... well ... I really want to win.

I've posted it on Twitter and Facebook quite a bit in my attempts to get someone ... anyone ... to read it and vote for it. I e-mailed it to a bunch of my women friends and asked them to vote and some of them have voted. I think the "registering" part is what spooks people, though. They're afraid they're going to receive lots of e-mail or spam as a consequence of registering. They won't, and I tell 'em that. But, still, they don't vote.

So, here I am, five days from the close of the contest and I've moved up to No. 31 with 15 votes. In order to qualify I need to be in the Top 25. From those 25 entries, the editors of MORE will chose one winner and that lucky person will have a one-hour phone consultation with Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, the author of "One Amazing Thing," described by MORE's web site as a "breathtaking tale of survival."  The winning writer will then expand her story to 1600 words to be posted on MORE's web site and, maybe, Barnes & Noble's web site. That's it. No prize money. Just an opportunity.

The current top entries are about cancer survivors, a night at the Emmys, saving a life, raising a child ... things that are uplifting and wonderful. My story isn't quite so "warm and fuzzy."  It's brutal. It's honest. And, it took me 22 years to write.

Friends who have read the story have written messages or told me to my face that they are so glad to know how I turned out.  If I win, it would give others a chance to find out WHY that experience was, truly, 'one amazing thing 'for me.  It really did change the course of my life forever. And, I'm sure no one will be disappointed how it ends.

It may not be pretty, but it was amazing to live through.
Cross your fingers. And, if you haven't already, go read it and vote.
You'll never be sorry you did.
I promise.

Creativity Run Amok: President's Day Project

I met "Alpaca Granny" through her blog http://northstaralpacas.blogspot.com/ and enjoyed reading about the daily challenges of a retired school teacher turned alpaca farmer. Eventually I was lead to her etsy shop, North Star Alpacas, where I couldn't resist making a purchase of 104 yards of hand dyed, hand spun Alpaca Merino Mohair yarn from Indy, the alpaca pictured below!

When the yarn arrived, I was in love with it. It came packaged in a glassine envelope with a lavender sachet tucked inside and a tag with Indy's photo on it and a complete product description. It wasn't a lot of thread, so whatever I was going to make with it would have to be inspired. I put it in my yarn basket and over the past year I have taken it out every now and again and felt the texture, inhaling the lavender, wishing for creative inspiration.

Then, President's Day 2010 arrived. I had the day off from work and bemoaned the continued chilly weather we've been experiencing here in sunny, south Florida. I do so love to work in the yard, but that wasn't an option this holiday. The weather report said it was going to be cold all week, with night time lows in the 40s. And, that, my dear reader, is "unseasonably cold" by Florida standards. And, it was this that inspired me to use the beautiful hand dyed, hand spun thread I'd purchased.  I was guessing when I started crocheting ... some might call it "designing." I had no pattern; just my knowledge of crochet to guide me. I used a size N hook, something I'd never done before! My! But, it's a big hook! By Tuesday morning, when I'd finished my coffee, I had a beautiful neck scarf to keep me warm for the rest of the week!

When I got to the office, I was once again inspired to take photos, and when I saw them on the computer screen, I knew they belonged in my blog!  This beautiful scarf is excellent at keeping the back of my neck warm in the harsh winter wind. And, the knowledge of where the fur came from combined with knowing who dyed it and spun it into thread for me makes my creative spirit feel warm as well.

Now, it's nearing the end of the week and the meteorologists are saying we'll see temperatures in the 70s by Saturday.  Meanwhile, I'm enjoying my hand dyed, hand spun, hand crocheted scarf!  Ah! The joy of creativity! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!